Persian Crossdresser Diary
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Hi. This blog is about a paradox inside me. A paradox which can not be expressed in real life. I'm a crossdresser who lives in Iran. Crossdressing (or Transvestism) is the is the mental desire to wear opposite sex clothes. This desire can be sexualiy stimulating or mentally needed for relief.
By the way I'm a male crossdresser, aged 21, a university student with good curriculum background and....eh...still a virgin. I've been in love twice. Before I get sexually exhausted from self-pleasure, I belived that I never can be bisexual or homosexual. But now I think my female side is coming up sometimes. But I haven't decided about going for a same-sex relation, yet.
I'm a sexy person in mind. I like being sexual. It took a long time to find my real joy in sexual feelings and clear the fog of misunderstanding and guilt about masturbation in my mind, not to forget this fact that I've been risen in an islamic country though not in a very islamic family.
Back to crossdressing, matter of fact, wearing female clothes (specially underwears) excites and stimulates me sexually. I've never been in public wearing female clothes, because I'm not that much passable as a female and also because of the fear of getting caught. So this behaviour remained a secret until now that I'm sharing it with you.
I've been very depressed because of problems I had with my ex-girlfriend. She left me at last to marry another guy.
This blog is some kind of escape toward light. Here, I can talk about my thoughts, ideas and problems and ask for your help. I'm really hopeful that I can find relief in telling all this secrets inside of me and reading your opinions.
Although I may describe my sexual fantasies and adventures here, I try not to get lewd and cheap.
By the way I'm a male crossdresser, aged 21, a university student with good curriculum background and....eh...still a virgin. I've been in love twice. Before I get sexually exhausted from self-pleasure, I belived that I never can be bisexual or homosexual. But now I think my female side is coming up sometimes. But I haven't decided about going for a same-sex relation, yet.
I'm a sexy person in mind. I like being sexual. It took a long time to find my real joy in sexual feelings and clear the fog of misunderstanding and guilt about masturbation in my mind, not to forget this fact that I've been risen in an islamic country though not in a very islamic family.
Back to crossdressing, matter of fact, wearing female clothes (specially underwears) excites and stimulates me sexually. I've never been in public wearing female clothes, because I'm not that much passable as a female and also because of the fear of getting caught. So this behaviour remained a secret until now that I'm sharing it with you.
I've been very depressed because of problems I had with my ex-girlfriend. She left me at last to marry another guy.
This blog is some kind of escape toward light. Here, I can talk about my thoughts, ideas and problems and ask for your help. I'm really hopeful that I can find relief in telling all this secrets inside of me and reading your opinions.
Although I may describe my sexual fantasies and adventures here, I try not to get lewd and cheap.
Comments:
This is a common development in America. It might something be similiar to Iranian theological students who were sometimes allowed to have temporary wives, not being prepared to take full responsibility for permanent marriage but full of normal desires for female companionship... one becomes like two.
Being enfatuated with womens dress- especially the secret parts and the veils-may even be considered an "intellectualization" of the primal matter and, if not an entirely "appropriate" entanglement in the paradoxes of gender - somuch is determined by convention and custom rather than nature yet to have conventions and custom is completely natural- acting out such openly admitted compulsions- is not completely condemnable.
What's the harm unless one feels like these little pleasures and fantasies are "a destiny" and have to be imposed as "the truth about me" to friends, neighbors and family, taken for "AN IDENTITY" It's probably good that you are worried about being caught- probably alot of other people are too! Ha! Men become hard and brutal in trying to run way and disprove that they could have any such interest!
The American folk-singer has recently written about his time in the late nineteen fifties and sixties:
"the dominant myth of the day seemed to be that anybody could do anything, even go to the moon. You could do whatever you wanted- in the ads and articles, ignore your limitations, defy them. If you were an indecisive person, you could become a leader and wear lederhosen. If you were a housewife, you could become a glamour girl with rhinestone sunglasses. Are you slow witted? No worries, you can be an intellectual genius. If you're old. you can be young. Anything was possible. It was almost like a war against the self... Len and I would look at all this stuff for what it was worth, and not one cent more".
I suppose just about every old "coot" like me (56) has some events in his/her youth that are embaressment, a little bit shameful, silly or what not. But the intensity of my "needs" for playful and even passionate crossdressing seems to have declined over the years though the enticements and temptations have increased many times over. It seems to me, however, that people who took the most stock in such seemingly peculiar things and went out on the farthest limb on the tree of life to get them, ended the most tragically (like with HIV)or missed out on the whole range of what it means to be human.
I was reading a book about Iran twenty-years ago about how young people in Teheran often went on outings and picnics in the surrounding mountains. Boys and girls were seperated but when spirits were high there were often young men who danced quite seductively- as we ideally imagined beautiful women must do- and were honored as real artists!
So the topic "crossdressing" is another opportunity to engage in a dialogue between civilizations, or manufactured into a reason for people to kill each other!- a nut from New England.
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Being enfatuated with womens dress- especially the secret parts and the veils-may even be considered an "intellectualization" of the primal matter and, if not an entirely "appropriate" entanglement in the paradoxes of gender - somuch is determined by convention and custom rather than nature yet to have conventions and custom is completely natural- acting out such openly admitted compulsions- is not completely condemnable.
What's the harm unless one feels like these little pleasures and fantasies are "a destiny" and have to be imposed as "the truth about me" to friends, neighbors and family, taken for "AN IDENTITY" It's probably good that you are worried about being caught- probably alot of other people are too! Ha! Men become hard and brutal in trying to run way and disprove that they could have any such interest!
The American folk-singer has recently written about his time in the late nineteen fifties and sixties:
"the dominant myth of the day seemed to be that anybody could do anything, even go to the moon. You could do whatever you wanted- in the ads and articles, ignore your limitations, defy them. If you were an indecisive person, you could become a leader and wear lederhosen. If you were a housewife, you could become a glamour girl with rhinestone sunglasses. Are you slow witted? No worries, you can be an intellectual genius. If you're old. you can be young. Anything was possible. It was almost like a war against the self... Len and I would look at all this stuff for what it was worth, and not one cent more".
I suppose just about every old "coot" like me (56) has some events in his/her youth that are embaressment, a little bit shameful, silly or what not. But the intensity of my "needs" for playful and even passionate crossdressing seems to have declined over the years though the enticements and temptations have increased many times over. It seems to me, however, that people who took the most stock in such seemingly peculiar things and went out on the farthest limb on the tree of life to get them, ended the most tragically (like with HIV)or missed out on the whole range of what it means to be human.
I was reading a book about Iran twenty-years ago about how young people in Teheran often went on outings and picnics in the surrounding mountains. Boys and girls were seperated but when spirits were high there were often young men who danced quite seductively- as we ideally imagined beautiful women must do- and were honored as real artists!
So the topic "crossdressing" is another opportunity to engage in a dialogue between civilizations, or manufactured into a reason for people to kill each other!- a nut from New England.
# posted by 
: 7:31 AM
: 7:31 AM
